How'd you like to lock lips with Trisha Yearwood . . . and avoid getting slapped with one of those pesky restraining orders? Well, if you've got just such a scenario bubbling under in your fantasy life, it's likelier than you think -- if you're willing to cough up four bucks for a crack at the country superstar. Before you get too excited, be forewarned that your investment could net you nothing more than a mouthful of Tennessee fireman -- since Trisha is teaming up with Nashville-area fire departments to teach CPR to as many local residents as possible. On Saturday, January 20th, Yearwood will be the special guest at one of thirty Middle Tennessee firehouses offering lessons in the life-saving skill, and while no one's revealing exactly where she'll turn up, we think it's one of those things that's worth a gamble . . .
Madonna may have been able to win the hearts of those Scottish moors-men with her charm and phony accent, but the Material Matron is going to have more trouble getting over on a gaggle of pot-loving Hindu nudists that she's apparently got her eye on. Leaders of the Naga sect, which is in the midst of its forty-two-day purification ritual, known as the Kumbh Mela, have protested plans to erect tents for a group of showbiz curiosity seekers spearheaded by Madonna and Sharon Stone. The Nagas, who shun clothing -- which indicates they have something in common with the artist formerly known as Mrs. Sean Penn -- have stated that the luxury tents are "unholy" and will diminish the propriety of the proceedings . . .
Some guys think that sensitivity is the best way to get the chicks, while others try to take the bad-boy route. But we've gotta hand it to erstwhile Red House Painters leader Mark Kozelek for combining the two in a way that's bound to start both Nick Drake and Bon Scott rolling over in their graves. Kozelek, best known to non-obscurants as Almost Famous bassist Larry Fellows, has fired off a second solo album -- which picks up where the Red House Painters' mid-Nineties spate of Kiss-via-Leonard Cohen workouts left off. This time around, the singer stays totally in character, working his way through ten AC/DC covers -- including "Love at First Feel" and "If You Want Blood, You've Got It" -- in stripped-down, molasses-slow style . . .
One of the six people who's been paying attention to Axl Rose during the brief break between Guns n' Roses albums won't be keeping tabs on the singer anymore if L.A. cops have anything to say about it. Karen Jane O'Neill, who's spent much of the past decade perfecting her skills as a stalker, was arrested at Rose's Malibu estate after clambering onto the grounds in violation of a court order keeping her away from Rose. While we're baffled as to why anyone would risk arrest over such a thing -- not to mention why anyone would choose to stalk Rose when Izzy Stradlin is so much easier to get to -- we're confident that O'Neill won't languish in the pokey too long, since one of her "telepathic communications" with Axl is bound to get through. Let's hope it's the one asking for bail money, and not a chorus of "November Rain."
DAVID SPRAGUE
(January 12, 2001)
